Dear Layla,

I've been with my partner for five years and I kind of feel that we've grown apart. When do you know that it's time to move on, or how hard should I try to keep our relationship intact?

- Confused Girl in Malibu

Dear Confused,

That is a difficult question that I unfortunately cannot give a concrete answer. I think the best thing to do is to communicate gently with your partner about how you feel and try to figure out how you grew apart, and how you both can go about making things better. For example, maybe he has been working a lot and hasn't spent a lot of time with you. Or maybe he feels that you always put your father's advice over his. Whatever it may be, it is time for the two of you to talk about it. If you can't talk about it without getting agitated, you might need to see a third party to help. In the end, you might find that your relationship is worth saving. After all, nothing good comes easy. However, you might also determine that the relationship has run its course, and that's okay too. Better to be alone than to be unhappy.

  Dear Layla,

I love my boyfriend but I am going out of state for school, and I don't think I want to deal with a long-distance relationship. Thoughts?
- Girl who is moving away

Dear Girl who is moving,

Since you have decided to go out of state for school, that means that your priorities are to your education, and not to this relationship.  At least for now. And that's totally cool.  If your boyfriend supports you (and he should), then I think the best thing is to break up.  I know that it sounds horrible, but breaking up could be the best thing for both of you right now.  It will allow you to focus on school, meet new friends, experience new things, and it will allow him to pursue what is important to him. So that if you both end up getting back together (which is completely possible), you two will be content with what you have learned and accomplished. <3

Dear Layla,
I met a girl at a bar and it was really loud there, so I didn't really get a chance to have a real conversation with her.  I did get her number, but what do I say when I call? I am afraid I don't really know what to say.

Sincerely, 
Mr. Speechless in Los Angeles

Dear Mr. Speechless,

I admit that having a phone conversation with someone you barely know is difficult and can be fatal. But regardless, you have her number now, which is the only way to reach her.  So I recommend that you call her a few days later, around 5-8pm (don't call her during business hours, and don't call her too late into the night) and if she doesn't pick up, leave a brief message.  If she does answer, re-introduce yourself politely in the following way, "Hi, my name is Fred and we met at XYZ club last Wednesday. How's it going?" And wherever the conversation leads from there, ensure that she does most of the talking. It's best to get to know someone in person, so try to arrange a date with her in the near future.  Maybe invite her out with your friends somewhere or grab a cup of coffee.  But don't let the phone conversation drag on for too long.  After all, you don't really know her that well just yet. And if there are a lot of pauses and awkward silences, that means that she's not that interested.  And that's okay...I expect that you gathered enough phone numbers to practice! :)

Hi Layla K,
Is there anything one can do to stop having dreams about an ex? We were together for six years but it has been over a year since we broke up. But I still keep seeing her in my dreams so often and they make my days very *expletive* every time.
Yours,
Sleepless in D.C.

Hi Sleepless,
I am not an expert but I think that your frequent dreams about your ex are normal, given that you two had such a long relationship. Your mind and body is still dealing with loss and it will take time to get over her completely. I don't think we can control our dreams, but we can control our waking moments. While we are awake, we should focus our minds on what brings us happiness (our family, our friends, our art, etc.) and eventually the dreams will go away and the universe will bring to you the right person. I think that is why people say that love comes when you least expect it. It just might be true because we are least expecting romance when we are happy at whatever we are doing. I don't know about you, but I find it super sexy when I find a guy completely enjoying what he is doing--writing, singing karaoke, eating a sandwich, etc. Keep focusing on the things in your life that bring you happiness and you will eventually sleep with a new person in your head and in your bed. =)

Hi Layla K,
I’ve been dating this girl for a few weeks and she is a great girl. She seems to like me a lot. Problem is, I like her but I’m not crazy about her. How do I tell her that I don’t want to date her without hurting her feelings? – Mr. Nice Guy in Los Angeles

Hey Mr. Nice Guy,
Having had the experience of guys leading me on, you already get tons of kudos in my book for caring about her feelings while wanting to be honest with her. This is what I would do if I were you. I would meet with her and go out somewhere like the park or the beach. Then I would tell her two or three things that I really like about her (sincerity is key here, so plan ahead). After telling her these wonderful things that you like, tell her that as much as you like her, you’re not feeling that special “spark” that you expect to feel when you fall in love with someone. And then offer to stay friends with her. If a guy told me that, I would be a little hurt, but I couldn’t be mad at you because you were honest with me. In fact, I would respect you in the long run for being a good guy. I might even introduce you to one of my friends. =)


*Please note that I am not a certified expert of any kind; I just like giving advice! So please send me your questions; they may not even be about you, but for someone you know. And I promise to keep it confidential.